Monday, February 27, 2012

Shadow Teachers

I remember now, the nanosecond split decision to enter into the conception imprint of the body I currently infuse Source's essence into. The embryonic embodiment's input into the choice to further the survival of the body by accommodating what could be called 'parental intent' or agenda. A split choice, indeed, as the pure intent, the trajectory of the essence was for a dimensional reality of pure light, sound, beauty and co-creation. And yes, that could and can be co-created in the now and here of our incarnate reality constructs.

Childhood was spent in a mental state of perplexion. The feeling of 'THIS is not what was intended! Or was it? What happened?'. Where are all of the abilities this essence is so familiar with? Why do these abilities not seem to function here?

A slight detour. Ever so slight, yet all-permeating. As I sat with this, listening, as the body has been clearing mightily of late, I heard, one more time, the words of one of this lifetime's teachers "one dimension too many". Admittedly, the reactivity was that of 'oh, not again'...with many lifetimes' disciplined energy of 'yes, show me, what is it that wants to be seen?'. I was shown a scene from one of the Harry Potter films. I forget which. Harry is using floo powder to travel magically and mispronounces his intended destination. [in the film, his intended destination is Diagon Alley and he says 'diagonally'] He ends up 'one grate' too far. The intended destination was full of sweet shops, 'good' wizards, his soul friends... and the 'one grate too far' full of twisted magicks, darkness, fear and treachery. The often 'hidden' world of the shadow teachers. "One dimension too many". 'Oh, you're joking me!' I exclaimed in meditation, the laughter bursting through my inner core. The physical instinct for survival in the developing reptilian brain (brainstem) of this body was allowed to divert pure intention by one little space-time pixel and what was chosen was the realm of the Shadow Teachers...

And, of course, there are no accidental choices. In 'hibernation' these past weeks, I finally heard that small voice, another that pretends to be the voice of Essence glibly stating 'oh, i shall just sacrifice myself one last time... for the hell of it. Why not?'. The hell of it indeed. For that has been the experience...the polarisation of heaven and hell, in incarnate form. A chosen experience, Now fully owned, integrated and released. Yes, the intention was there to incarnate into a certain family, bloodline coding(s), society, opportunities, etc. Yes, the original intention was for an embodiment of pure creativity, embodiment of true creative power. And yes, the slightest little wobble in choosing was present, still, for the first blueprint in this, a double blueprint lifetime (for everyone). 'why not clean up whatever CAN be cleaned up?' Oh how very noble... from a spiritually arrogant point of view. Why not clean THAT up, if nothing else? (eeks)

Years, actually decades ago, I had a dream where I was in some sort of oubliette in 'hell' with a few of my friend Leslie Temple-Thurston's students. I was assisting them to break out of this illusion, this place of forgetting. Leslie walked through an open portal into this little closed-loop dimension, and spoke to me, ignoring the others completely. She said 'I don't want you doing that HERE'. The 'i' of the dream immediately began to protest:' i am not doing harm! I am trying to assist! I am only bringing light to the shadow!'. The dream Leslie looked at me as though I had gone completely mad and took my left hand in hers. She gently but firmly walked me through the open portal I had been resolutely trying to show to these 'others' and through a few more - 5 in fact - to a much lighter, love-filled area. She then faced me, repeating 'I don't want you doing that THERE'. Literally. Not in that place. I woke up still feeling the pressure of her hand holding mine. I have remembered that, for these decades of practice. 'Not THERE'. That is a shadow world, a compartment of the illusion that is not suited to your presence.

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? ~Rumi

Communication, as it flows through me needs to come from another place. The true 'I' of me is not a shadow teacher, but something else, something now emerging that has yet to take form or flight. Something whose initial intentional trajectory is being honoured through me, ready or not.

I drew a Rumi card at New Year's 2011, 'The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.'

The body's reaction then, after 3 years of 'shedding' and 'crunching' experiences was 'no more... no more...' and yet there has manifested more upon more upon more until this last, 'final' (and the long-programmed doubt is certainly present & being processed) sucker punch that pulverizes the scar tissue into rubble, exposing wounds long cauterized out of even unconscious vibration. The sledge hammer version of truth, that only shadow teachers ever wield. A parcel of 'small gifts' - oddly belittled versions of giving - offered with gratitude, with love and with the sledgehammer of projection firmly attached. 'Here is what i have to teach you! Here is what YOU need to heal!'... and of course, this was not fully conscious on the part of the bestower... it did its work, nonetheless... and in receiving the love, the sledgehammer was vanquished at long last.

In the dimension I currently occupy, this aspect of teaching no longer exists. The vestiges of its departure were acutely painful to the physical and emotional bodies. The crushing of ancient, cauterized pain can only be met now, from this place, with gratitude. Thank you that that reality no longer exists within 'me'. Thank you that this shattering of the realm of the Shadow Teachers has left me at long last ~ free. Free to choose the co-creative space of my Divine Alignment. Free to simply 'Be'.

For all of the Shadow Teachers of long acquaintance, you are loved. You are respected. Your gifts have proven priceless. Of inestimable value. And yes, I was and have been, 'another you'. Thank you for your long love and acquaintance. It is time to say 'goodbye', to return to the Oneness from which 'I' have come, to be 'of you'.

It is never about another... it is always a way to be free... even the niggliest wobbly into 'one dimension too many' ~ a gift of transcendence into wholeness... though I might now recommend the 'front door' having done the other side. ;)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Walking with Gaia

Last night, in the middle of a long, sleepless, meditative stretch of hours, Gaia made her presence known. We chat together, Gaia and I, most days, many nights. This was different. An invitation.

From within the orb of Gaian embodiment, an offer emerged... non-verbal in its essence, a current from the heart. "Your circle is welcome. Join within." In 2009, after listening repeatedly to a channeling by my friend Leslie Temple-Thurston, from Gaia herself, stating what has finally emerged as the obvious 'it is time... I am evolving... you must evolve within me... your options are 'this'" (I am mis-quoting a bit here, apologies).

Since that deep listening, deep aligning, the singularity that I experience as 'I' has deepened her melt into our earth Mother. Roshini and I rise each day and express our love to and within her many dimensions. Lessening now, these dimensional windows. And multiplying, in fractal beauty in ways only reflected in miniature within her light ~ in snowfall, the rainbow lights within sunrise on snow ~ the light on the water in all its myriad forms...

This morning, though, we walked AS GAIA... on her surface world, within her vast embrace, yet AS SHE. The peace and wonderment of this, not a first experience, but a completion of some as yet un-cognized kind, leaves me breathless still. Gratitude for breath itself, for ths sylphs who clear and purify our harried atmospheric orb, for flow, the undines that ceaselessly sing and provide life-force to this, our blue, beloved earth... the green world in all her resplendent glory, the gnomes, elementals of embodiment, whose crystalline creations now rival the stars. For salamanders, large and small, as they spark the light, warm the hearth and provide a catalyst for this, Gaia's emergence into yet a new form.

As we walked, and Roshini pounced, and rolled and leapt for joy, the green world gave of its abundant splendor, the salamanders promising warmth from collected 'twigs', the waters beginning to gurgle once more beneath our icy bridge of mindfullness, we joined with Gaia in her murmur of awakening... the quiet, still hum of new beginnings.

What a wonder, is this, 'our' world.
May Every Blessing Find you,
Happy Sivaratri!
~unending love,