Friday, April 29, 2011

~ Comfort Zones

~ What are they Really? ~

I have witnessed a lot of talk recently about moving past comfort zones... pushing people past them, how the Shift will do that... so I have found myself turning the witness deeply inward (the only place that really 'works' for me, at least) to observe... where, really, is the 'comfort zone'? What does it look like? Feel like?
For most, it is a place where our inner whatever feels 'safe'. So, first, I looked there... what part of me needs to feel safe? That was the first clue.

Inner statements that make you go 'hmmmm'. The question, from awareness, was observational. The feeling response was, if I am radically honest, from the place of the inner Judge. Well, little brat, what part of you still needs to feel safe? That's not why you came here! Hmmm. So I looked at that inner structure.

And REALIZED... 'my' comfort zone, the hangout of the ego, is DISCOMFORT, which can segue "zero to sixty" into self-punishment, self-torture, et al, which are all symptoms of self-hatred. Do I really still 'hate' my own (perceived as) weakness? Apparently.
Well that bites. I have lived a warrior's life, pushed myself 'beyond limits' and what today's insight is, is that it came from my spiritual commitments, yes. AND, the ego has co-opted this feeling into something it can beat 'me' up with... Again with hmmm.

Yesterday, my friend Lynn said "I was...and suddenly realized I was feeling something I had not felt in a long time... and I realized I was HAPPY!". This week I have had that same experience. It feels a little like "Oh yes, I remember..." what is actually just 'happy'feels like ecstatic buoyancy to the body, that has endured my self persecutions for decades now. Hmmm. NO, no visceral mortifications, the idea of hair shirts and beds of nails never appealed... well, maybe the nails, on a really weird day. So, hey, that's martyrdom... why? Is some sort of sacred/sainted/silly martyr 'my' comfort zone? I asked this, in all integrity, and got 'no'... that part has been worked through.

HOWEVER, the 'comfort of discomfort', is still an internalized fear of back-sliding, of hearing one of my teachers' voices saying "comfortable is complacency and that will get you every time"... hmmm. So comfort was anathema, to this piece of 'selfness'.

My choice, in this moment, and for all moments going forward is to release the attachment to discomfort, release the choice to do the 'uncomfortable' (just another face of 'doing it the hard way') and find the authentic flow of ecstatic authenticity that TRULY supports all aspects of the Divine that my core knows we all are.

Just a few thoughts for a Friday.

May Every Blessing Find you!
Nalini (Mary)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Embodying Inner Trinity

~ Are you ready to walk Divnity? ~

Over the past three years a transmission has gone through me ~ that of "Trinity". We have many traditional images for this "three as one" divine concept. Father-Mother-Child, Father-Son-Holy Spirit, the Triple Goddess (Maiden-Mother-Crone) - although we need to add "Queen" somewhere in between the Mother/Crone aspects at this point, Brahma-Vishnu-Shiva, Kali/Durga - Lakshmi - Sarasvati...San Qing (Taoist Trinity) comprised of the Celestial Worthy of Primordial Beginning, Celestial Worthy of Numinous Treasure and Celestial Worthy of the Tao and its Power, and the list goes on. EVERY tradition has this conceptual triple personification of the Divine. Our human minds seem to need these categories, or LIFE seems so very BIG that we cannot conceptualize its essence.

What is being asked, at this time, is to walk our embodiments. We do that always. We do that 'anyway'. We walk our belief systems, our habituated behaviours, our self-identity.

It is time to walk, to embody, our divinity... and we will each do this from our innermost essence, our core, our signature vibratory frequencies. Doesn't that change? Yes! Emphatically, yes! And isn't that half the fun? As we learn and evolve and shift - and the shifting is intense, immense and currently so very present ~ we vibrate differently. ALWAYS. Almost every moment. And yet - and yet...

When we get to our core essence - having stripped away whatever else (or so it seems - giggles aplenty) it is time to let go.

Having chosen to align my personal will with divine will over and over and over and over... and having shed lifetime after lifetime after lifeline within this one incarnation, it is suddenly/continuously mandated/gifted that core essence is what remains. What to look for? What to live for? How to BE? What IS this luminous core and how would 'she' like to orchestrate the remaining incarnation?

The embodied Trinity essence plays itself over and over, an insistent inner chorus "Intuition, Instinct(body wisdom) and Inspiration". I have spent a lifetime paring down, carving away, shedding, and polishing, for this... this very fragile beginning, after so very many beginnings, this super-awake newness that opens its unveiled eyes in STRENGTH and COURAGE and a long-remembered, long-awaited sense of very quiet 'now'. And what could be more 'normal' more 'me'.... a concept that brings hysteria of the not-so-quiet kind. I kept my partner awake with it for most of the night... uncontrollable cosmic hilarity with apparently no end. "No more caffeine for you" was the response, as I shook and quaked and chortled my way through yet another dimensional opening.

How many times have I said "This?" "THIS - (whatever the aha or 'duh' was at the time) is "it"??? And here, at what appears (and we know that nothing is as it seems) to be unparalleled newness...a breath of silence, of the Stillness that pervades all movement. The inner smile that needs no cultivation. AGAIN. Still.

Intuition, Instinct and Inspiration. Inner unfoldment, opening into total guidance without the need for 'thought'.

The defender 'rests'. In gratitude. May every nuance of 'controller' do the same.

May the infinite blessings of transition and unfoldment BE your walk in this world.
Nalini (Mary)