Monday, May 16, 2011
Years ago my spiritual teacher handed out small talismans to a group of students. They were little, catseye marbles, you know, the little cheap kind that have a paint swirl in the middle, that come in 'marble sets' for games. He said that those going through deep shifting, big changes, sometimes did better with a talisman to hold onto. He had assigned Stephen King's book, The Talisman, that trimester, so I suppose this was an extension of the teaching. I honestly don't remember.
The task was, to take the blessed, shakti-charged, marble and have it available for the intense times, the trauma releasing (although he did not know that terminology perhaps) and shifting into the unknown. We were to hold it and feel the Divine Connection, even when that felt impossible. He said that if we did that, we could, through his energy field, connect to the Divine, no matter what. There are many such talismans in this world: malas, medallions, special rudraksha beads, and on and on.
I put mine on a tiny, vibrantly purple, velvet pillow, designed to hold gemstones. It DID look a little silly, this cheap little marble, held in its royal nest of velvet on my altar...meaning something completely different to me. I kept feeling "I can do this myself...the Divine is within me...perhaps this is a tool to make that point?"
A couple of years after that, in the process of moving house, yet again, I placed the talisman in a special box with its cushion, tucked it away in a shoe box that held my pink satin, sequined, high-heeled cha-cha pumps; the ones I wore with a special purple, pink and copper sequined cocktail dress - purchased especially for dinners with my teacher. I do this frequently; putting something away 'someplace special' so I will always know where it is. And, just as frequently, can't find things ever again when I do this! Spirit hides them. It has become a game we play.
During the move, or shortly thereafter, I donated many of my 'dress' items to a benefit sale...I actually do not remember donating that particular dress (nor the shoes that went with) to the occasion, but the timing fits. Of course the talisman disappeared.
What I did not know at the time, was that our Earth Mother was changing, re-balancing, re-stabilising herself in a flow of yin-yang energies that represented the tiniest shoots, the first new springtime of the 'new earth'...and I was moving on...leaving my teacher of 13 years. At this time I did not know this, only that something had changed and my talisman had left me. It was not sad, exactly, nor did I have those moments of panic we have when something dear to us moves on. It was just 'odd'. I DID look everywhere, even in the shoe box, to no avail. Spirit had removed the touchstone from my grasp.
I remember the day I noticed it had gone. I told my then business partner "I lost my marble"...she began to laugh. Hard. She studied with the same teacher, so she knew the context, but still, it was funny. Only one left, apparently, and it had gone. Bye-bye marble(s). Bye-bye mind. And it was 'true'. That was the beginning of letting go of projected spiritual authority. I did not recognize that then. As with so many downloads, the understanding came later.
This past week I was out for our morning jaunt with Roshini, the furry Princess. Here, in the mountains, we whisper-sing our morning love to the directions, the elements, the devic realms, the angelics and the deep Goddess energies of the earth. It had begun to snow, so we turned back to the house a bit early. There, on the side of the road, half-hidden in wet earth, something flashed crystalline blue. A marble. A 'clearie' this time, beautiful Divine Mother blue. As I picked it up, wiping it on my jacket, I felt a deep inner chiming. "Complete". I am never sure what that means, as consciousness, in my observation, expands and evolves continually... however...
I have been in a cycle of remembering, of owning, of the learning of soul-sovereignty. The Divine Mother has held my hand, held me up, healed me, shifted and changed me. I was too over-balanced in the patriarchal paths. There is truth there, of course... but for me, the choice had been different. I chose balance. I chose truth... so long ago that only my core remembers.
That morning I had asked "Mother" "What shall we co-create today?" as she has taught me to do. What I heard was "embodiment". And yes, Her embodiment has been my aspiration for long lifetimes of learning.
The little blue marble, so clear, so pure, so simple, now sits on our Goddess altar. A tiny talisman of embodiment... 'mine' and 'Hers'... from one aspect of Divinity to another...the micro of the macrocosm. On this, Her dear, Blue Earth. A token only, yet a confirmation all the same. I am grateful.
May Her Every Blessing Find you,