Poised in the Pause ~ 12/12 ~

Many of us have travelled the 'cracks between the worlds'. This is such a time. Rarely have we had such guidance. The full moon/eclipse energies, as the bookend for a window of opportunity, are gently closing a vast cosmic door on the 'past'. Can you feel the heaviness of the opened aperture sliding slowly into place, sealed. Closed behind us. The only openings the gateways (and there are many, varied and amazing) that move us ever onward into evolution. Where have your choices led you? What new openings now present themselves as gifts of Gaian transition? What openings have your choices now unveiled before you? It is an unending stream of stellar ignition. To THIS have your prayers and affirmations and commandments brought you. What/which will the turbo-blast now ignite or inflame?

The old world burns within us ~ sometimes as a joyous new burst of lightness and flow, sometimes as what feels like the unending quicksand of old habituations. Do not judge what you appear to experience - not yet. Not yet. The solstice gateway looms before us - inviting us into its perhaps devouring, perhaps luscious maw of grace. Whatever is left of the old world, let it burn. Enter the core of inner silence and let the birthing fire consume all that does not align with cosmic movement.

Today marks a stillpoint. A breathing point. Not a vantage point, to survey what was, and what may come, but a pause in the Great Transition, within which we can breathe and be grateful for all that may yet be.

Thank you that this transition is guided entirely by Grace.
Thank you for this moment of perfect breath, perfect silence, as the waves loom behind and before.
Thank you that the waves enfold and caress us as they pound even now upon some far, new shore.
Thank you for all that may yet be.
I choose gratitude. I choose grace. I choose the finest, most minute filaments to be lit as beacons within me, that Divine Alignment may never be ignored in any form.
Thank You, for the choicepoint windows of alignment that are ever in Presence, are ever present, in this moment and in every moment as new worlds dream to be.
~Namaste~

with unending divine direction ~
Nalini

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~ Dreaming the BIG Dreams ~

~ Dreaming the Future Forward ~

Today is yet another auspicious astrological alignment. Both Venus (planet of nurturing intuitive energies) and Jupiter (planet of infinite expansion) station direct today. What dreams, in seed form or as yet unrealized, are ready to manifest in nurturing, intuitively creative and expansive ways?

It is a time for revisiting the dream boards, 'want' lists, for refining, for taking an honest look at how our dreams are manifesting consciously and, more importantly, unconsciously. When I look around at my so-called 'life' there is so much to be grateful for!

As we dream our preferences and parameters forward, I find it is infinitely important to pause for a 'daily dose' of gratitude. Thank you, Divine Mother (Spirit, Source... God/Goddess, AllThatIs) that I live in a beautiful, safe, spiritual sanctuary. Thank you for beautiful old growth trees... for fresh water, for companions, human and beastie alike. For health, love, abundance, and the ability to truly receive and enjoy these gifts of living. Thank you for play. Thank you that I am 'new' each day. Thank you.

In looking over the lists and boards this week, I looked at how all I ask for, all I dream forward, is actually manifesting in the present. How am I responding to these things? Am I pushing some away because my unconscious is manifesting them in a way the conscious dreamer does not desire? Am I refusing to receive or resisting gifts that fling themselves at me at lovespeed? THANK YOU - to the Divine and to all of you ~ for witnessing the greatitude (not a typo) of dreaming forward.

Enjoy this transition! More waves and larger are on their way! May we all surf well and safely!

May Every Blessing Find you!
~Mary
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~ Infinite Grace ~

Happy Portal Surfing!

We are now fully in the Solstice - Full Moon / Lunar Eclipse(s) - Grand Cross(es) and 6th Night portal sequence. Gaia is re-birthing Herself in the NOW. From the Temples into the arms of the Mother, in reverence we are moved, all anyhow, ready or not. And for some, we have felt so very ready, for so very long... and yet...

This past cycle has been quite the ride, has it not? In its death-rebirth sequence, we are feeling the birth of the new as the old energies thrash through their death throes. We are, all of us, releasing and rebirthing. And, as any birthing Mother will tell you, (once she is able) she has no clue how any of it is happening nor what the end result will be. She is only aware of the blessing and the miracle that is transpiring through her. So it is for Gaia. So it is for us all.

This past weekend, in a sacred releasing breathwork session I had a vision of the temple at Angkor Wat in Cambodia, of the sangha of monks in bright orange, all looking like dolls, all incarnations - each and very one - of spiritual values, spiritual past lives, vows of continuance, of perseverance and of obedience. All memories of 'spirituality' in the cycle that is dancing its death song. Lives of accruing merit, of holding the remembering, of vows coming to completion. As these images worked their way out of my body with the breath, I wondered. Visions come first, understanding later (if at all).

This was followed by more visions, all in meditation, of many forms, many lives. It brought back the wondering of how my sisters have come together here, now, in this place, for a completion of some kind. Prior to coming to this place, I had a dream. I was in this area, connecting heart-to-heart, remembering to remembering, essence to essence with other mystics. Since I have been here, this has happened, much to my wonderment and gratitude.

Sunday I received a hug from Ammachi. Around my left wrist was wrapped my 'original' mala - the first mala from my first mystery school teacher, purchased with that week's food money, at the Bodhi Tree bookstore in L.A. It has been with me for every desert trip and darshan with Rama, every spiritual or mystical training, every shamanic journey, every spiritual or mystical adventure for 27 years (a '9' of course!). A small storehouse of mystical power and light.

As I was released from the hug, the mala broke. And, as I sat in Presence, I felt the beads that slid free, breaking and releasing through my physical body as well. Completion. Release. Finally. And the Mother's words breaking through my heart. "It is time". It is still too fresh and new and unfathomable for words. Finally. Not of any 'doing' but of Grace.

Gratitude:
To Datta, for the sacred sounds that have graced my way and in whose presence over this New Year (2010) I received the complete remembering of the essence of my vibration; from whose alignment I received the name Nalini. (http://www.sivababa.org).

To Rama, without whose boot camp I may not have remembered nor would I have persevered. (http://fredericklenzfoundation.org/)

To Leslie Temple-Thurston, who taught me how to transform dualistic structures through processing, and whose patience with my 'doing' has been unfaltering. (http://www.corelight.org)

To Pamela, whose Presence of Innocence in the tradition of Ramana, has helped me to complete a cycle. ( http://www.pamelasatsang.com )

To Malathy, whose great love broke the 'heart' mala and allowed me to begin to physically truly heal.

and, most recently, to Amritananda Mayi, (http://www.amma.org ) whose Grace and Presence allowed the Divine to show me in no uncertain terms that in the Divine Mother's Presence there is only 'free'.

May we all be flowed and guided through this time, this immense portal of Grace, with ease and safety and exactly what we need. May we remember with reverence that it is always so.

~ in infinite gratitude,
Nalini (Mary)
Blessed Be
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Resting in Stillness

~ Surfing the Cosmic Tsunamis ~

So here we go! As Gaia dances her re-formative tango, we are now dancing to HER tune! Cause for great celebration!

My observation is an interesting juxtaposition of the celebratory and the Stillness. I keep seeing the mental image of Padma Sambhava (the Tibetan Bodhisattva) floating in an orb of light, bouncing off the tsunamis and the changes, grinning from ear to ear. Or perhaps that is just my cosmically skewed sense of humor at play.

The lessons keep showing up in blatantly informative ways, don't they? As a western collective, how are we obsessed with comfort - however grossly or more subtly we may define this, and polarized in any aversion to pain? What is pain? What is comfort? How do our subtle identities play with these concepts? And how do we let them go along with the old world that is leaving us?

I had an experience early this week of wanting to attend satsang with a blessedly awake friend, Pamela Wilson~ http://www.pamelasatsang.com/, I woke up that morning with monster headaches, body discomfort and dizziness. Not having had this kind of day for a few months, I was curious and also a little miffed. Had to be today, yes? These are 'human' emotions pushed up through the 'human' body. Nothing to be upset by, but to be present to learn from. As usual, I began to look for resistance, for any sloughing off of older energies or states of mind, and felt, from the Stillness, "rest". "Just rest, Beloved". I gave the body herbs, essential oils and a good soak, to see if that would ease things. The symptoms increased. Ok, resting.

I propped up on pillows, much as I had after my brain 'upgrade' in June, feeling a return, a releasing of the deep tenderness that had permeated my neck, shoulders, and the back of my head at that time. I rested and went deeply inward.

I was shown the pain and the wish for comfort. "Where is the physical (body / life) still in aversion to pain and obsessing with comfort? Where do these definitions need adjusting?" I have done quite a bit of inquiry on this in the past, so just let things show up this time, rather than letting my mind supply 'files' or feedback. I did not need to wait. The adjustments were happening as I watched, and that was all that was needed. I watched, observed, and kept affirming my heart's wish to be in Stillness and yes, to be with my spiritual sisters and to attend this gathering. Much was moving, and after some time, I felt "Get up now, and go". I was still dizzy and my head throbbing. I got up and into the car.

I could hear mental and a bit of physical feedback saying, "This is NOT a good idea!" And yet, the inner urging, "Go". I drove carefully, as usual, and felt more shifting. By the time I had visited with my friends, and attended the satsang, the physical ravages had disappeared completely.

I had had the experience of 'full circle'. Giggles abound. As I sat in that Space, I had the experience of juxtaposed realities. Sitting in satsang with Pamela. Sitting in 'class' with Marguerite at the age of less-than-two. Circle to circle. Family to family. Old 'family' identity falling away. A homecoming, granted by Stillness. Completion. Beginning. Falling through the Space that is the true gift of Grace. Noticing love ~ in whatever form She presents Herself ~ as the underlying essence and the flow of Space.

The message, for this time, was to rest in the Stillness and allow the changes to occur, as they happen. Let them be. Let your body and life BE. And in the observing, love. What else has there ever been to do or to see?

With unending love,
~from the newly-cozy raft between the worlds~
May Every Blessing Find You ~
Mary
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Peace

May the Peace that IS, fill your complete BEING

Peace is found in the heart. It is that place of inner stillness from which and through which all blessings flow, and in which the movement is so subtle, so profoundly harmonious that it only feels 'still' and without change. Changeless and ever-changing, peace is within us all.

May your holydays, (whatever they may be and to whatever form of light you dedicate your celebrations), be blessed and may Peace find you always!

And while you're at it, go outside and marvel at the miracle of life enfolding you!

Standing in snow, watching a raven flying, awed at the Blessing that IS this world, I woke to the whispering of angels.
~unending love
Mary

Gratitude

Years ago, one of my teachers suggested a Gratitude journal. Not uncommon these days, but it was not much discussed at that time. I bought a special journal with Disney characters on the cover. Gratitude comes most easily to me when I am in that exquisite state of childlike wonder.

At the beginning and ending of each day I wrote notes about what I was grateful for. It began with the trees and the stars and sunlight through new leaves. The smell of summer heat on pine needles, the sound of the waves as they greet the shore.

As the weeks passed, my notes became more and more subtle. They contained challenges and lessons learned, yet always returned to nature. The simplest of things seem to engender the greatest feeling of 'thank you'.

For what am I most grateful? For the Source that flows through me - and through us all. I am most grateful for Divinity, in all Her diverse, magical majesty. When I look through the eyes of Gratitude, there is nothing that appears as less than Divine.

In the season of turning inward (in my part of the world), may we remember that from whence we came, and all that supports our hearts and our lives.

May the Divine Mother's Blessings Find You,

~and may you receive, with increasing clarity, all that you request in reverence,

Mary
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Gratitude in this Moment!

(Please enjoy this excerpt from Mary's upcoming book "Ride the Moon".)




For what can I express Gratitude in this moment, as I begin (or end) this day?

For what may I express my complete and total gratitude on this magnificent day?

The full moon energy is that of fullness of expression. She inspires us to shine our light even in the darkest, most turbulent skies.

On this auspicious full moon I am grateful. My gratitude goes to all of those ‘external’ guides who have shown me pieces of ‘my’ way. My gratitude sings the song of mySelf to Source whose fullness of Self I am one small extension. My gratitude I give with open arms to the Great Mother for yet another lesson in finding Her blessings.

This eclipse-to-eclipse, new moon to full moon window we have just traversed has been a deep weeding and re-seeding of our individual and collective intent. I was lying outside, observing the energies transforming within (a little dizzy, I admit) and asking to be shown what was changing. What was shifting inside me that would help me to more perfectly mirror the particle of divinity that I AM in the wave?

I was swept into an internal whirlpool of images, sights and sounds. I felt the saviors, the martyrs, the prophets, the icons.... what did it mean? Why this? Why now? What was it that I needed to internally release? What presented itself was surprising to say the least.

The image that presented itself was a middle-eastern male. This man was turbaned, and completely 100% self-identified as the 'chosen one' or ‘messenger of God’. “”What?” I inquired.

I was taken into remembering, a few days ago in a soul alignment session, when what I saw, first, was this archetype, the chosen one, as a young man of high caste, a 'ruling family' who grew up in a society where he was identified by his birth into a family of entitlement. There was no other 'way' but for him to receive prosperity and privilege, as that was simply his 'due' and his literal birthright. His heart was telling him there was another way but he struggled with this inner question: the question his soul was pressing to find: What is another way? How is it that, by an 'accident of birth', I am so privileged, so entitled, and others are not? How is it that there are those born into disenfranchisement? Who would choose this? Why is life orchestrated in this way?

I remembered the story of Siddhartha, and wondered if this was his archetype. The Divine Mother laughed as she continued her inner lesson.

I was shown that I had drawn this karmic 'card' to bring in with me into this lifetime, as a way of resolving difficulties within. It provided a strong influence for choosing the 'middle way' in processing shadow and releasing identities that no longer fit. It provided an impetus to change, an inner drive to look beneath the workings of the status quo and to seek the truth within. Within the confines of this persona's caste system, he had no such opportunity. In this scenario it is I, in this life, who have been blessed with the 'advantages' of the opportunity to evolve my awareness as I choose. So have we all. So have you.

I remembered again that, just the other evening, I was made aware of this archetype in the impulse to turn on the cable. I was pulled into the film Khartoum... not something I would normally be interested in re-viewing. Khartoum was the first film I remember seeing in a theatre, when I was old enough to 'go with the grownups'. My one memory of that film, from childhood, is the son of my parents' friends sitting next to me stuffing milk duds into his mouth as the carnage escalated. Me, with my mother's hand over my eyes as Gordon's head was piked at the film's end.

For those unfamiliar, Khartoum is an epic film, recounting the story of the city of Khartoum, under siege by one that saw himself as a true messenger of God and a servant of the Prophet Mohammad. Gordon, a British officer and zealot himself, is influenced by his own savior archetype and his ego, to go to Khartoum to try to focus world opinion (and its armies) on the situation. Not a film I would ordinarily be drawn to in my current soul alignment, so being pulled into it was definitely ‘guided’.

What I saw this time, was two 'messengers of God' who were both so dogmatically positioned they could not change course. One, dedicated to sacrificing himself for others, one dedicated to sacrificing others for the 'message' he believed was truth. Each acting out the archetype of the messenger, in dualistically dogmatically held positions.

I found the vibrations of 'sacrificing self' and 'sacrificing others' for a defended position of truth in the depths of myself and asked what was wanting to transform here.
The whole archetype of the messenger was up for transformation. The whole reality of intermediary, of messenger, of any defended position in interpretation of divine reality.

I felt how there has been fear of being a 'messenger' because of these old cycle patterns. I felt the Prophet, the Pope, the Christ archetype, Joan of Arc and many others, ripple through my body and my awareness. I asked Spirit what these images were about... having not yet connected the dots mentally.

I was lying outside at the time, having these energies convulse through me without a clear understanding of what they contained. The Divine Mother said 'it is the archetypical messenger ',’ it is the old forms of that iconic presence within yourself, your bloodlines and your unconscious beliefs’. I still struggled to comprehend her message.

"Open your eyes" she said within me. I opened my eyes, into the deep blue of the late morning sun as a huge hawk streaked low overhead screeing loudly as it went sailing off into the west. I laughed out loud. Ok, got it. This is the Messenger archetype, in all its’ 'his'torical forms. Hawk medicine. My totem. My guide. My energetic signature...no more. Or, perhaps in a newer and more complete form. I was shown how the archetypal messenger has taken on a male form and a male dogmatic position over the centuries, and, in my deepest patterning, that was stuck. It was limiting the archetypal powers of the divine feminine as She was asking to express through me.

I offered this up from the depths of my spirit. I asked to be shown, saying 'goodbye' sadly to the hawk - my medicine and my friend. I offered my gratitude and my love for these archetypal intermediaries and the gifts they have brought to the world. I offered my love to hawk medicine for all of its many blessings. I asked to be shown the energies of the transformation. I was instantly gifted with the new ‘winged one’ that would be my touchstone in my transforming vibratory field. Not a guide, but an example; a new way of vibrating change. I was told 'The Messenger is an intermediary archetype. You are both transcending that and becoming its essence. By opening your awareness as the conduit, you become the grace. Full embodiment is what is asked of you, should you choose this ‘. What does one do, when offered such a choice? Overwhelmed and in tears, I answered in the only way I know how. I said ‘yes. I do not know what I am saying yes to, only that I will not say no’.

I do not know how to embody this. That is a given. I do know that I am humbled and honored and am waiting to be shown. I surrender the 'Messenger' in all 'his' and 'her' forms. I surrender into the 'message'. I keep hearing 'Be the message. Be the ‘ONE'; not a ‘chosen one’... but an actual embodiment of ONEness’.

I know how to be willing. I have learned how to Trust. What I know for sure is that these two qualities are all we ever need to change.

I’ll keep you posted. ;)