How does one truly achieve receptivity? Embrace the receptive principle? Why does receptivity seem different than creativity? Is it? In the I Ching, the hexagrams of the Creative and the Receptive are first and second, the foundational building blocks of all other vibrations. In the Taoist symbol for Tai Chi, the yin and yang energies dance together, each holding the seed of the other, in endless cyclic form.
I am experiencing a personal learning cycle in Receptivity at the moment. For those who know or don’t know, I experienced what the medical community is calling a brainstem ‘stroke’ on Friday, the 5th of June, approximately mid-day. And yes, thank you all so much! I have seen Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED video (many times, before this happened, actually) and think her insights are marvelous, as is her book, “A Stroke of Insight”.
My cerebral adventure was not as severe as hers, nor did I know what was happening to me (being a former data analyst,not a neuro-anatomist). I had an episode of extreme dizziness, during which I really wanted to just lie down and let Source balance me, my left side became very heavy and numb, and, finally, the left side of my face went slack, nerves and muscles taking a ‘time out’. ;) At that point, my partner dialed ‘911’ and EMS took over. Thank Goddess!! I was receiving oxygen and something intravenously within minutes, which undoubtedly has helped my ‘amazing’ and ‘mystifying’ recovery (the doctors’ words, not mine).
The medical professionals have been unable to determine actual cause with any certainty. What appeared as an apparent occlusion, or obstruction in one of the veins that serves the brainstem in the first CT that was taken, disappeared after an hour and a half, and the MRI was clear... as was the second CT the next morning.
What I experienced was, ‘no pain whatsoever’. I became extremely dizzy, felt very tired, and walked into the house from outside, but had to go up the stairs to the main room on all fours. Too dizzy. I thought I was answering what my partner was asking me quite coherently, but apparently I was speaking ‘gibberish’ and slurring heavily. I remember being asked if I wanted to be driven to emergency, and thinking that was ridiculous. At that point, while trying to lie down on the sofa, my left side went numb. I could not use my left arm or hand, and the left side of my face ‘fell’, according to observation. I could not feel it, myself. I kept thinking it was absurd to go to hospital, as I felt ‘ok’ although compromised. I thought I probably just needed a nap! Good thing I couldn’t speak for myself, it seems!
My speech began to return within 3 hours, my left side began to function again within 4 hours. I woke up with full use of my left hand the very next morning and was released from hospital the next day, approximately 24 - 30 hours after having been admitted into the ER.
Throughout this adventure, I have been held and supported by the Divine. My body experienced shock at ‘not functioning properly’ and, on waking that next morning in hospital, I witnessed a bit of physical fear, when my left side was working perfectly but my eyes were not. I did not feel afraid. The doctors kept using the “stroke” word, while the inner voice of Spirit kept saying “Be still". You are taken care of. No need to buy into this. What will you choose to make real?” I told the ER physician that I felt well enough to go home. Everyone laughed. I could not yet walk by myself without needing to hold onto something! And yet, later in the day, I was released.
The difference between what the body experiences in order to keep itself intact, and what we feel emotionally and in our consciousness can be quite profound. What I felt emotionally was gratitude. What I felt in consciousness was a bit of incredulity, the surreal nature of having something happen ‘out of the blue’ and not knowing why nor the source thereof. For the last two years, my life has been a training program for surrendering into flow. Why should this be different?
When ‘events’ happen in our lives, the most important observation is the inner truth. What is the benefit here? What was I not perceiving that I really need to see? (Especially in something like this, involving my eyes and perceptual field) What adjustment is being made to my alignment? It feels as though I have been ‘re-booted’, both brain and vision. My physical perception radically altered, I must now depend on the balance of inner and ‘outer’ vision in order to ‘do’ anything in the physical world. How perfect ~ in a perverse sort of way!
“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”
~ William Blake
My ‘doors of perception’ have been altered. The cleansing is yet to be. I awake each morning grateful to open my eyes and ‘see’. I choose receptivity for the message held in this adventure and the outpouring of ‘help’ and care that has come my way.
May Every Blessing Find You,
Mary
